God rocked me a bit last night during our small group prayer time.
Have you ever felt God soften your heart? I go through seasons of having a harder heart than I would like because I don’t give enough time to pursuing my relationship with Jesus. I think we all do, and I’ve become very familiar with the process of having life put back into my heart.
It’s almost like play-doh. You have to squeeze it a few times – warm it up a bit – before it becomes soft again.
I can feel the squeeze. My heart aches, but not in a bad way. It aches in a way that makes me feel…more. More alive. More present. More joy. More pain. More everything. Because an alive heart feels.
And when I feel that squeeze, I know tears will soon follow. They aren’t always tears of sadness; sometimes they are tears of joy and gratitude because coming alive, even if that means facing pain, is so much better than having a hard heart.
Last night we talked about our desires and where our hope rests. We talked about how God doesn’t leave us with voids because He is good.
And I thought back to when I was pregnant.
“Our hope is in Jesus.”
We said that a lot, and it was and is true. But what does that mean? What does it mean to hope in Jesus?
You see, we all want something. We all want many things, and the reality is that some of those desires will go unfulfilled on earth.
But God does not leave us with a void.
That doesn’t mean that our every desire will be granted, although it can be easy to interpret it that way.
I want something, and God won’t leave me with a void, so that means He will give me the desires of my heart. Why would He put this desire here if it would never be fulfilled?
As a mother, I wanted my son to be healed and live. I prayed for it, but it didn’t happen. The desire of my heart was left unfulfilled, and, if my hope had been in Leeland, I would have been left with an enormous void deep in me.
God had taken me to a crossroads where I had to decide if He was enough for me. If I never got anything I ever wanted in this life, would He still be enough? Could I still put my hope in Him?
As I felt my heart softening last night, God reminded me that He didn’t leave me with a void, and I wept tears of joy because my God is big enough to fill the void of losing a child, and He loves me so much that He doesn’t leave me in pieces.
I was reminded that when my hope is in Jesus, I will never be disappointed because hope in Him is eternal.
Hope in Him is knowing that God does give good gifts, and He works miracles sometimes, and knowing that, while we wait for His Kingdom to come fully, He fills the voids.
There are a lot of things that I want in my life, and I know that many of them will never happen, but I also know that Jesus is enough for me.