This is Amy’s husband, Jamin. She asked me to post on her blog since it’s Father’s Day, and I am a father. I’m not the “normal” father that looks forward to a new tie, beard trimmer, or a dress shirt. I’m also not the father that gets to look forward to misspelled cards saying, “Happy Father’s Day,” after they have been translated from “Apey Farthurz Daiy!” As you may already now, I only have one child – a son – Leeland. I could not be more proud to be His daddy. It baffles me that he was only born two years ago, but people from all over the world know his story and have interacted with Jesus because of his life…and he never even took a single breath while on this earth. Even though I wanted so bad to hear his voice, he never let out a single cry. Yet his voice still resounds in his story of Life, and of Death.
To help you understand my story, and part of Leeland’s, I need to take you back exactly 2 1/2 years ago today. That was the day my two brothers and I gave my father’s eulogy and buried his lifeless body into the ground. It also was the day my dad, Gerald Alan Wass, would have turned 61 years old. Instead, 4 1/2 years of stage 4 cancer, that originated from his prostate and spread throughout his body, took his earthly body.
Just a few weeks before that, my dad was in Hospice Care as the cancer had already invaded much of his body, and the nurses were doing all that they could to make my Dad’s last days as comfortable as possible. He laid in his bed incapable of the simplest of tasks or responses. It was in that time that I attempted to share the big news, “Dad, we are pregnant! You’re going to be a grandpa again!” It hurt knowing that the man I was speaking to was really only the shell of my dad, but it comforted me to know that my dad was able to meet one of my children, even if it was still in my wife’s belly at the time. December 13, 2013 my dad died .
In the span of 6 months I lost my only dad and my only son. For quite a while I stopped feeling. I was trying to be a husband in my wife’s time of need, but had very little to give my wife. Trying to be a son in my mom’s time of need, but had even less to give her. I still loved the Lord very much, and knew that He answered mine and many others’ prayers by healing both my dad and my son, but it still hurt because it wasn’t the way I would’ve chosen to do it. I went numb for a while. I still smiled, said my prayers, and did my job – but I didn’t feel hardly anything.
When Amy and I both figured out we had become numb for quite a while, we decided we had a choice to make: We could either choose death or we could choose life. We could choose to focus on the bad in our life and live like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, or we could see the good that God had made from every storm. That’s when the last word of my title comes into place: Choice.
Your life and my life are full of choices. When you woke up this morning you chose what to eat for breakfast (or not to eat), what to wear, whether you were going to go to church or not (or if your life was too busy), what you would eat for lunch, how you would spend this afternoon, etc. Each one of those choices has a consequence. Some consequences might just make more of an impact in your life than others.
After Leeland was born lifeless, my choice of being numb meant I chose death. I chose to focus on the bad. This lead to depression, weight gain, unhealthy solitude, and a poor relationship with my wife. At one point I felt the Lord telling me I was a really good roommate, but a bad husband. Ouch! When we both finally chose Life we weren’t instantly healed, but I can tell you that things did change. Eventually I started to feel things again, I probably cry now more than ever. I’ve lost a little bit of weight and still want to lose more, but at least I care about my body again. We have been really trying to invest in our friends and I spend more time with people that encourage me than I ever have. And my relationship with my wife has never been better.
I’m not trying to sell you that Jesus is the instant fix to all of your problems. What I am saying is that if we had never chosen Life, every aspect of my life would be Dying. In John 14:6 Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” He goes on to say that he is the only way to the Father, God.
If you want Life, I mean FULL life! Life rich with relationships that will comfort you through the bad, life that picks you up when the enemy attacks, life that brings light in the darkest of times CHOOSE JESUS.
I love you, Leeland, and miss you with all of my heart!
Happy Father’s day to every man that invests in a child…or dog. 🙂