The last three years have taken me and my husband on quite a journey. From a positive pregnancy test to an abnormal ultrasound to holding our sweet boy who never took a breath on earth to burying him, grieving his loss, and having to rediscover who we were only to find out that my body was somehow damaged along the way. The last three years have stretched us in ways we didn’t know we could handle, but our faithful God knew we could, and He was with us all the way.
Tomorrow we take the next step in finding out what is happening with my body. I’ve been referred to an OB/Endocrine specialist in Iowa City, and our appointment is in the morning. Only God knows what tomorrow will bring. Maybe they will do tests or put together some plan of action. Maybe they’ll simply review my medical history with me.
What I do know is that no matter what they do tomorrow, and no matter what answers they can or can’t find, I will be okay. I’ll be okay because I know that God has a purpose for all of this. I know that not a single piece of suffering is a waste – He is using my circumstances to prepare me for great things. I know that in the midst of what can seem like chaos at times, He is the peace. And I know that my Jesus loves me more than I can imagine, and His ears are not deaf to my cries.
I could be anxious, and maybe if my story were different, I would be, but God has seen me through the valley. He’s picked me up from the lowest, loneliest places in my life and shown me the view from the mountaintop. He has shown me time and time again in my life that there is more than darkness, and even in the darkness, I’m not alone. When I can’t see through the abyss that’s before me, He’s my eyes. He guides my steps, and He has shown me that He is so very trustworthy.
So I will embrace the season. I will keep my eyes open to what God is doing, and participate. I’ll run this race even when it hurts.
I won’t waste this.