Our appointment on Monday finally gave us answers we have been looking for…hopefully!

Before we went to Iowa City, our doctor was thinking that I either had uterine scarring from the D&C I had after Leeland was born or a pituitary tumor the was producing too much prolactin, preventing me from having a cycle and making it impossible to get pregnant.

An ultrasound showed that there is scar tissue in part of my uterus. Of the two possibilities, this is the better one. Our doctor suggested surgery, and we plan on doing that in a few months. They’ll remove the scar tissue, and leave a small balloon to make sure that no more scar tissue develops in my uterus while it heals, then I’ll have to take some hormones for a couple weeks. After that, she said that everything should go back to the way it should be.

I have to redo a prolactin test just to make sure that it isn’t both scarring and a hormone issue, but if my hormones are off, they can give me medication that should correct them.

I think I had more mixed emotions on Monday than I ever have before.

I was a little disappointed that I’ll need surgery, even though it’s just outpatient. I am thankful to know what is going on, but I hate surgery.

I was so thankful to finally have an answer because being in a place of not knowing is just awful. And even though nothing is certain, it’s nice to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

I was happy knowing that there is a possibility of having more kids in our future, but I know that this surgery isn’t a guarantee of anything, so I will still put my hope in Jesus and not in any child we may or may not have.

And I was sad because I miss my son, and part of me hates that all of this tragedy and loss is part of my story, but a much bigger part of me would never change it because we got to have Leeland, even though it wasn’t for long. But still, I felt like Monday finally brought me to a place where I grieved the life that I thought I would have – a life that didn’t include more loss than I’d already experienced. I would never want to change my story, though, if that meant we never got to have our boy.

It was a long and exhausting day, but it was a good day.


Thank you Jesus for always taking care of me!




One thought on “Answers

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