It Happened

It’s almost been 5 years since we found out I was pregnant with Leeland. Carrying him and losing him..it was all so much. He changed us forever. He was followed by years of grieving and trying to figure out what happened to my body, and we had found ourselves in a place where we were content with whatever happened. If we had another baby, great. If I never got pregnant again, that would be okay, too.

People asked often, “How do you feel about getting pregnant again someday?”

I could only imagine what I would feel if that day ever came. I knew it would be more than just joy. It’s so much more complex for us. I imagined pain, bittersweet memories, being taken back in time to when it was Leeland kicking me from the inside. I gave myself permission to cry as much as I wanted a long time ago. I knew I would need that if the time ever came.

What I imagined was just a sliver of what I felt when I gazed upon this 3 weeks ago: Continue reading “It Happened”