Week 12: The Good, The Bad, and The Better

Pregnancy is already an emotional roller coaster, but, man, the last week has been a lot.

Week 11 began with me still scrambling to find a local doctor who would be willing to do shared care with my doctors in Iowa City. Bonnie at UIHC is an angel. She works in release of information, and I emailed her about 8 times asking her to send my records all over the place, and she did it right away!

As I called every provider in the area, I braced myself for a lot of rejection.

Then the black Friday ads came out. I don’t care about shopping, but I love a good deal. Jamin is all about finding the good deals on black Friday. We aren’t crazy, though. We go out when it’s convenient for us and if the deals are still there, great! As I scanned the ads, I saw something.

I don’t always think about the life growing in me (maybe that’s terrible, but it’s true). Most of the time, I’m just trying not to throw up. But sometimes I think about this baby and what life will look like and all the things we will need. I enjoy researching products. I don’t like to spend my money, so if I have to, I want to make sure I am getting a great product. One day, that led me to researching car seats. I had decided what the best one was, but it was over $300!

So when I saw it on sale for 50% off at Target for black Friday, I knew I wanted to get it.

But then the enemy came whispering in my ear like he does so often. You might not know, but he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He’s not a nice guy. He’s a real butt hole, and when I first saw that car seat, he tried to make me ignore it.

“How do you even know you’ll need that?”

“You are at high risk for miscarriage, and you’re not out of the clear yet.”

“Don’t tell Jamin. He’ll want to get it, too. You know the terrible ways that pregnancy can end. You really want to be stuck with a car seat if it comes to that?”

“Isn’t it a little too soon to be making plans?”

What I’ve learned, though, is the best way to shut him up is to do exactly what he says not to, so I told Jamin, and he said we should try to get it, and the enemy lost that battle.

But as we made our game plan for getting the doorbuster car seat, those whispers came back. There were a couple times that I thought about saying, “let’s just forget about it.”

It was out of stock at the first store we checked. Then it was out of stock at the second one, even though their inventory showed they had two left. In my desperation to get it half off, I even checked the stores in Vegas (my brother couldn’t believe I was going to send him on a car seat run – and I would have if they hadn’t been out of stock EVERYWHERE). I checked in Arkansas and Tennessee where my brother and my dad live, and it was out of stock there, too.

We came up empty handed by the time Saturday came along (aside from the TV we bought that barely fit in our car, but that’s a story for another time). In one final attempt to snag the doorbuster deal, I checked where in the entire country this was in stock, and it showed Sioux City, Iowa, which just so happens to be where my best friend since childhood lives! She got there just as they were unpacking a new shipment in the baby aisle, and sent me a picture to see if it was the one I wanted. IT WAS!!!!! We got the freaking car seat!

Later that night I got a message from Melissa, the woman who photographed Leeland’s birth, congratulating us on my pregnancy. I had been wanting to get in touch with her because Jamin and I decided after we had Leeland that, if I ever got pregnant again, we wanted her to photograph the birth, and she said she would! I am so excited to have her with us again.

On Sunday, I felt like crap. I was exhausted, had a headache, and felt like I could throw up all day. I took a 3.5 hour nap and still didn’t feel better. It was probably the worst I have felt so far. I was just glad that I didn’t have to work that day.

Then yesterday. Ohhhhh, yesterday.

Yesterday was rough. I felt nauseous all day, and I got my first rejection call from a doctor. I gotta say, I don’t know if there is anything that makes you feel like something is wrong with you more than a doctor saying they don’t want to take on your case.

I have also been eating Greek yogurt for breakfast every day for the last month and a half, but, yesterday, my gag reflexes decided it was too thick for me to eat anymore. I only ate half. And I noticed that this bad taste I’ve had in my mouth for a while was getting worse. Any time there isn’t food in my mouth it tastes horrible. Brushing my teeth doesn’t help. Swishing mouth wash helps just long enough for me to go to sleep at night.

But last night I woke up twice and had to drink some water because my mouth tasted so bad!

That brings us to today.

I have felt physically horrible today. This nausea usually comes and goes throughout the day, but it has been constant today. I tried yogurt again this morning, hoping that yesterday was just a fluke. It was not. And that stupid bad taste is still in my mouth,

BUT…

I got TWO calls today from TWO local doctors saying that they would see me! One could fit me in as early as tomorrow! Thank you, Jesus!

I was really hoping that week 12 would bring a little relief from symptoms, but instead it brought me a doctor, so I guess I’ll take that for now.

Good News From the Doctor

My doctor called on Friday to talk about the results of my HSG test. He, along with the PA who gave us the immediate results, was very surprised that my right fallopian tube was open. When they finished the surgery back in February, they couldn’t see the opening of it at all, so they were convinced it would be blocked, but it wasn’t!

He asked what we wanted to do, and I told him that our biggest goal in all of this was for me to be healthy, and I feel like we are finally there – or as close to there as we will be for now. My body is having cycles without any hormonal assistance, and now we know that both tubes are open. There is healthy tissue on the left side of my uterus, and there is somewhat of of healthy tissue on the right side that leads straight to the open tube. Continue reading “Good News From the Doctor”

Hopefully the Last Test

As we were sitting in the waiting room, I looked at my hospital wristband where it said, “26yr.” I told my husband I could remember being 16, and at that time 26 seemed so far away. It arrived quite quickly, though. He said, “I bet this isn’t what you thought 26 would be like.” He was right.

My life has not at all been what I expected. I don’t really know what I expected it to be like, but I know this isn’t it, and I’m sure I’ll still be saying the same thing 10 years from now.

It was about a year ago that my doctors started doing tests to figure out what was going on with my body. First they thought it might have been a tumor. When that couldn’t be confirmed, they referred me to the University of Iowa Hospital. They did more tests and figured out that I did, indeed, have Asherman’s Syndrome as a result of a D & C. Continue reading “Hopefully the Last Test”

Celebrating This Weird Thing

Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe this has really been my life – that I’ve actually gone through all of these experiences. Twenty-six years isn’t much, but those years have been filled with a lot of life.

Here I am, coming to the end of the first period I’ve had in 3 years. It’s so strange.

At the beginning of the week, I told many of my friends about it, and they all responded with excitement. They know what our story has been. They know the grief and the heartache we’ve endured, so they know what this means for us. This means opportunity for us that we thought was gone, so they were all excited. Continue reading “Celebrating This Weird Thing”

I Think It Worked

I can’t believe it’s already been a month and a half since I had my surgery! I also can’t believe I haven’t written in over a month. I really need to get back into the swing of things.

Anyway, today is mostly a physical update, which might be too much information for some people, but if you are a woman, know a woman, or ever will know a woman, I think it’s good to know what goes on. I’m going to write an update on how I’ve been doing emotionally this weekend. Continue reading “I Think It Worked”

Birthday Balloon

Yep, that’s a picture of the kind of balloon that has been in my uterus the last 10 days.

My birthday was yesterday. I’m 26. Sometimes I think, “wow, has it been 26 years already?” And other times I think, “Only 26 years, huh?”

So much has happened. Sometimes I can hardly believe the story that has been written for me this far. So much loss, but so much more life. So much joy and sorrow. So many surprises and so many opportunities for growth, even if that meant experiencing growing pains physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And I think that will be big in the coming year as I make my way to 27. I can already see it in just a few of the things that have happened recently. This year will cause me to grow in ways that I never thought I would, and I know it will be good because my God is good, and He knows what He is doing. Continue reading “Birthday Balloon”

Recovery

Hyteroscopic lysis of adhesions (you can see the adhesions in the picture). That’s what my doctor did yesterday.

We arrived at the hospital around 10:30 and I believe I went in to surgery around 11:30. Everything went well in regards to removing the scar tissue. I didn’t bleed excessively (which was a concern of the doctors considering my diagnosis of Von Willebrand’s Disease). The doctor did find that there was significantly more scar tissue than the original ultrasound showed. During that ultrasound they tried to inject fluid into my uterus so they could see how widespread the scarring was, but since the opening was scarred shut, they couldn’t get any fluid in, making it difficult to know for sure how much scarring was present. The entire right side of my uterus was covered in scar tissue. Continue reading “Recovery”