Who’s That Girl?

There is a picture we have on a shelf in the living room of us when we were dating.  We were boating with Jamin’s parents in Clear Lake. There’s also a picture of us from the day we got married. I love those pictures.

I’m almost done with this huge project of scanning in old photos from my childhood (it’s only taken me about 2 years!!). I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and will likely reach it this weekend or early next week. It’s been fun and strange all at once, looking at those old pictures – looking at who I was and who my siblings were.

I look at pictures from when I was very young with my grandpa. I can see the gradual progression of his cancer. He looked really sick towards the end.

I look at pictures of me and my siblings when it was just 5 of us – before our youngest sisters were born. We had no idea how limited our time with Krissy would be; everything was just our normal life. I see pictures of 8 year old me and try to remember my life before EVERYTHING changed, but sometimes I see those images and think, “Who is that little girl?” I know it’s me, but it seems like a lifetime ago.

Then I see pictures of us growing up. Dee and Becky were born, and we all went through awkward phases. I see pictures of 16 year old me and ask myself the same question.

“Who is that girl?

That girl who’s experienced so little and so much all at once. A lot of healing took place in the 8 years since Krissy died, but that girl who was so changed when Kris died is about to change all over again. She will have to relearn how to navigate a whole new world very soon. It’ll hurt, and it’ll be hard, but she’ll do it.”

I look at that picture of me and Jamin on that boat, and I remember how happy we were. I loved spending time with him when we were dating – I still do! Our relationship was so young and lacking any real hardship.

Then I look over to the picture from our wedding day. What an amazing day that was! We both had ideas about what marriage would be based on our parents or based on things we’d seen or been told. I don’t think either one of us could have anticipated what our first few years would look like. I certainly never would have predicted the losses we would endure, but I also never would have expected to grow as much as we have so quickly.

I look at any picture that was taken before a life changing event in my life, and I have such a hard time remembering the girl in the photo. Sometimes I wonder if I have changed so much that she’s not even here anymore…that maybe I’m someone else completely now. It’s all happened so quickly.

I used to be a little girl whose legs had never been swiped out from under her – who had never felt the sharp pains of grief in her body. It’s so strange how life changes us. I can never be that girl again, but what I can be, what I have become, is more whole than I have ever been because God is in the business of restoring, and He has done just that.

 

 

He Is Still Risen

Millions of people celebrated the coming of a candy bearing rabbit yesterday. I hope that many more millions were celebrating something much bigger – the resurrection of Jesus from the grave.

In the days leading up to Sunday, lots of people talked about Jesus. They talked about why Jesus would do what He did and what it means for us. They talked about how He was welcomed upon entering Jerusalem and how the same people that welcomed Him were in the crowd yelling, “crucify him,” only days later. On Friday, people talked about the punishment Jesus would receive on our behalf and what was supposed to be His final breath. Continue reading “He Is Still Risen”

Finding Jesus in Aladdin

About a week ago, I was watching Aladdin. I’ve seen it many times in my life, but I had never cried watching it until this time.

The story of Aladdin goes like this: There is a poor boy who falls in love with a princess. He finds a genie who can grant him three wishes, and his first wish is to become a prince, so he can marry the princess. Aladdin discovered that the genie was actually a prisoner inside his lamp, and could only be freed if someone used a wish to free him; he promised that he would use his third wish to grant Genie his freedom. Continue reading “Finding Jesus in Aladdin”

Here We Are Now. Entertain Us.

I enjoyed reading as a kid, then somewhere around junior high or high school that enjoyment went away. Maybe it was being forced to read certain books for school, or maybe it was something I did. I don’t really know. As an adult I’ve discovered that I do still like reading, but getting a book in my hand is the hard part. If I can find a good book, I’ll read and read, but taking time to find a good book is something I don’t really like doing.

My younger sister and I started reading a series of books that she really likes. I’d never read them before, so she read to me while I did dishes or made supper. We finished book number one, and she got the second and third books from the library. I started the second book a couple days ago and finished today.

As I was reading yesterday, I thought, “It would be great if the Bible was Continue reading “Here We Are Now. Entertain Us.”

With Just One Year

I was watching a video about squids with one of my daycare kids because squids came up in our conversation, and she wasn’t sure what they looked like. Anyway, I stumbled upon a short video by National Geographic. It was nothing special, but there was one thing the narrator said that struck me.

He said that, on average, squids live only one year, but they do a lot in that time, and I thought, Continue reading “With Just One Year”