Letters to my Boy

Tomorrow – I can hardly believe I’m saying this – Finley will be ONE YEAR OLD!

When I was pregnant, one of my friends had the idea to get a journal and pass it around among our friends. Each week of my pregnancy, someone would write a letter to Finley and what they were praying for him during that week. When she was pregnant, my friend’s mom did this for her, writing letters to her granddaughters.

One of my love languages (from the 5 Love Languages) is words of affirmation, so for my friends to write to my baby made me feel incredibly loved by them, but also made me feel how much they loved my baby before he was even born.

After he was born, I was given the journal to keep and, someday, give to Finley. I was sad that a little over half the journal was still empty, though, so I had an idea.

Every 6 months, would write a letter to Finley. I would share little stories about things that happened, ways he was growing, things he was learning, how I was feeling, and what my prayers were for him during that time and for his future. I love writing these letters!

I wrote in the book today for his birthday and looked back at what I wrote right after he was born:

I’m not sure I have the words for this. The first time I saw your face, I just wept. You were all wrapped up, so your face was all I could see. You were so precious! Then your dad showed me pictures while I was recovering. I couldn’t have imagined what you would look like. I thought maybe you would look like Leeland – and in some ways, you did a little – but you look like Finley!

For hours, I thought about your sweet face. One of a kind. Never seen before. Just perfectly you. 

Having a baby is so strange and wonderful. I loved you so much before you were born, but hardly knew you. I knew you liked music – you would wiggle when I held my phone to my belly. You liked to be active in the morning, around 1pm and 11pm. 

Then I SAW you, and all that love finally had a face to go to. You were like a little stranger and not, all at the same time.

The first time I held you, I wanted to freeze time. My arms couldn’t believe what they held. I put your cheek to mine and just breather you in. I had waited so long for you. We could’ve lost you. But there you were – your warm cheek pressed to mine.

Little boy, I hope you ALWAYS know what a treasure you are. What a miracle you are. Oh, my heart could burst. You are worth all the fear and pain from your delivery. You are worth the scar on my belly and the stretch marks that will be with me still when I’m old. 

My son.

I didn’t think I would ever get you. 

My son, this book is filled with love for you. People you know and people you don’t prayed daily for you while you were in my belly. The miracle of you was not lost on any of us. I pray you have many years ahead of you, and I hope you take Jesus with you through all of them. I pray for you to have resolute surety of your Heavenly Father and His love for you. And that you would know He can handle whatever you bring to Him. He isn’t put off by your sadness or anger or doubt. 

My sweet little baby, if I fail at everything else as your mother, I hope I succeed at ushering you into the loving embrace of Jesus. I hope I teach you His faithfulness. I hope I teach you that He is enough. And I hope that when you search for your identity and long for someone to tell you who you are, that you would find those answers in Him because He is the only one who will always get it right. 

Oh, my little love. It’s the greatest honor to be your mama. I hope I do you justice. 

 

27

I turned 27 today. It seems crazy to me, so I can only imagine how crazy it must seem for my parents.

In our house, we like to celebrate birthdays for a whole weekend, and President’s Day made for a THREE DAY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND! We had so much fun.

On Saturday, we decided to go to a nearby “ski resort.” I say that loosely because Continue reading “27”

He is Still Good Three Years Later

Gosh, it is so hard to wrap my head around this day, and I’m sure it will be just as hard in 15 years and in 40 years.

Today, Leeland would have been 3 years old. I still remember a lot from that day. I remember 3 years ago, close to this time, we were returning home from the University of Iowa Hospital with one less person than we had left with. Continue reading “He is Still Good Three Years Later”

Happy Birthday Big Sis!

Guys. Today is my big sister’s birthday!!!!!

Happy Birthday, sis. I am so proud to be your younger sister, and am blessed by you so often!

I decided I would start my day out by sending her a short video on snapchat wishing her a happy birthday. I’m not great with snapchat, and I just recently learned about these things called “filters.” They can change your voice and make you look weird, or they can make you look better depending on the filter you choose. For this special occasion, I chose the alien filter. It just felt right. I sent the first video and couldn’t stop laughing, so I just kept going. I’m pretty sure I sent her at least 15 videos! Anyway, I decided I would share some of the best ones, so I can remember them forever (and delete them off of my phone, so they aren’t taking up valuable space!). Continue reading “Happy Birthday Big Sis!”

Celebrating

We have been really busy most evenings for a few weeks, and it has been making it difficult to write, but I’m back at it.

My husband’s birthday was last week.

We didn’t do much the day of, but we took a little weekend trip to Des Moines a few days later. We visited the zoo, saw the new Star Trek, and, most importantly, hit up the Cheesecake Factory!

We stayed with some friends and got to catch up with them and play with their kids. It was a really good weekend.

 

You Would be Two Today

Oh, Leeland. You would be turning two today. How can that be?

It seems like no time has passed since the day you were born, but it also seems like a lifetime ago. Time is a strange thing.

I miss you every day, sweet boy, and I wonder what you would be like.

Happy birthday. Today probably doesn’t mean much to you, baby boy. It’s just another piece of your eternity, but while you’re kneeling before our King, I still think of you on this day.

I love you.

 

18 Years Already

Today is my sister’s birthday! I can’t believe it’s been 18 years already, but that’s how time works.

It seems like yesterday that we were all begging mom not to name you Darrylle. I begged her and begged her to give you a girl name. Haha. I can’t imagine you with any other name, now. I remember anxiously awaiting the one who would make me a big sister. I was so excited that I colored a full size Continue reading “18 Years Already”

My Weekend

Jessica and Michelle are my oldest friends. We have been friends for about 15 years. We’ve lived in different cities since 2007, but have stayed in touch. Jessica and I were pregnant at the same time, and we took belly pictures together. She is due in August with her second, and Michelle’s daughter was born a year ago.

It’s not uncommon for friends to grow apart as they grow up, get married, or have kids, and it’s happened to me a lot. Even though I’ve grown apart from quite a few people, I will always consider them my friends. But by some miracle, the opposite has happened with Michelle and Jessica. We’ve all gone back and forth across the state to see each other more in the last 2 years than we ever have in the past. Having kids and Continue reading “My Weekend”

My Kind of Party

Yesterday was my birthday, and because we had plans for the weekend, I expected to spend the evening watching Downton Abbey and eating Famous Dave’s. And that is what we did for a couple hours, then a car pulled in the driveway. I was so confused because my husband had been very clear about our plans for the evening, and that was that we had no plans. But I opened the door and in walked our best friends and their daughters!!!

Normally if my husband Continue reading “My Kind of Party”