Uncomfortable Grace

I’ve been on a crime documentary kick lately. My heart has been broken seeing how unjust our justice system is, at times, for both victims and people accused of crimes. I’ve found myself angry at the at the terrible things that people have done to one another, and I’ve found myself passing judgements on the offenders, wondering how someone could do such awful things. I’ve thought things like, “they deserved a much harsher sentence,” or “why are people like that even alive?” Continue reading “Uncomfortable Grace”

I Don’t Want to Hear it, but I Need To

I’ve been waiting on insurance to approve an MRI since the middle of August, and finally got word today that my insurance isn’t even accepting the requests from my doctor. It isn’t that they are receiving the requests and denying them – they are seeing there has been a request and refusing to even look at it and put it in their system.

To say that I’m frustrated is an understatement. Tonight I was just angry. I was angry at how stupid insurance is (you won’t convince me otherwise right now) and how messed up my body is with still no answers. Continue reading “I Don’t Want to Hear it, but I Need To”

Divorce Hurts

Man. My heart has been heavy the last few days.

It seems like every time I get on Facebook I see that someone is getting a divorce. I know that what I see isn’t anywhere close to the number of people worldwide that are experiencing divorce, and it’s just been making my heart ache.

Divorce hurts. Regardless of when, how, or why it happens, it hurts. It hurts even when Continue reading “Divorce Hurts”

The Mysterious Disappearance of Pursuit

I’ve heard marriage described as a beautiful example of Christ’s love for the Church, and, before I got married, I probably believed that completely, but I have since learned that sometimes it isn’t.

Sometimes marriage isn’t a beautiful example because married people are not more perfect than unmarried people. Do I think that marriage has the potential to be a beautiful example of Christ’s love for the Church? Absolutely, but to leave out the rest of it seems a bit dishonest and irresponsible. Continue reading “The Mysterious Disappearance of Pursuit”

Calling All Saints

My husband and I watched the movie St. Vincent tonight.

I gave it four stars on Netflix, but only because it made me cry and I couldn’t handle the kid’s cuteness. The movie as a whole was just okay. It was pretty rough around the edges in some places, but there was one part that just moved me.

The movie is about a single mom and her son. They move into a new neighborhood, and

Continue reading “Calling All Saints”

Here We Are Now. Entertain Us.

I enjoyed reading as a kid, then somewhere around junior high or high school that enjoyment went away. Maybe it was being forced to read certain books for school, or maybe it was something I did. I don’t really know. As an adult I’ve discovered that I do still like reading, but getting a book in my hand is the hard part. If I can find a good book, I’ll read and read, but taking time to find a good book is something I don’t really like doing.

My younger sister and I started reading a series of books that she really likes. I’d never read them before, so she read to me while I did dishes or made supper. We finished book number one, and she got the second and third books from the library. I started the second book a couple days ago and finished today.

As I was reading yesterday, I thought, “It would be great if the Bible was Continue reading “Here We Are Now. Entertain Us.”

But When?

There’s this guy in the Bible named Job. He was a blameless man who feared God, so satan went to God one day, and said, “he only fears You because You’ve given him everything he could ever want. Take away his land and possessions, and he will curse You.” So God gave satan permission to take Job’s land and possessions (but satan could do nothing to Job himself), knowing that Job would not curse Him. This went on and on, and Job lost his children, land, possessions, money, and wife, but still did not curse God. So satan said, “of course Job wouldn’t curse You. You wouldn’t let me touch him.” So God told satan that Job was in his hand, but he had to spare his life, knowing that Job would still not curse Him. Satan covered Jobs body in sores from head to toe, but he still didn’t curse God. In the end of the story, everything and more was restored to Job.

I’ve been able to relate to Job a lot in my life. Right now, I feel like I am Job. Continue reading “But When?”

More News I Could Do Without

“I think we need to check and see if it’s a pituitary tumor.”

That’s what my doctor said after receiving the results of a second blood test.

Almost two months ago, I went to see a new doctor in hopes of finding out what the heck is going on with my body. She gave me estrogen to see if that would kick my body back into gear and start my cycle, but it didn’t work. I’m still not getting periods. My prolactin level came back just outside of the normal range, so she wanted me to come back in about a month to retake that test. I had my blood drawn last Tuesday and got the results the next day.

My prolactin levels were Continue reading “More News I Could Do Without”

A Good Week

Last week was really good. My younger sisters came to visit for a few days, so I didn’t blog at all. One went to orientation for her freshman year of college and the other hung out with me and the daycare kids during the day. We played lots of Mario Kart and went to the pool, and we just hung out the rest of the time.

One of my brothers called me on Friday. It was probably the best conversation we have ever had. We laughed, and I cried. We just talked about real life, and it was so good.

I’ve realized lately that God has used my blog to do something I never expected. He’s used it to Continue reading “A Good Week”

Breaking

I was sitting on the exam table waiting for the doctor to come back in, when the tears began to fall. I spoke. Not just to myself, but out loud, so the one I hate – the one who hates me and wants to destroy me – could hear what I had to say.

“You will not steal my joy. You will not make me despair. You will not ruin my marriage. You will not destroy me. You will not make me lose hope. I will STILL proclaim the goodness of the Lord! You will not win because HE already has.”

“You will not win because He already has.”

“YOU WILL NOT WIN BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAS WON THE VICTORY!”

When I got to the office and told the doctor I wasn’t Continue reading “Breaking”