Oceans

I listened to Oceans for the first time in a while a couple days ago. Every time I hear it I think back to when it first came out towards the end of 2013. I loved it immediately. The bridge goes like this: Continue reading “Oceans”

He is Still Good Three Years Later

Gosh, it is so hard to wrap my head around this day, and I’m sure it will be just as hard in 15 years and in 40 years.

Today, Leeland would have been 3 years old. I still remember a lot from that day. I remember 3 years ago, close to this time, we were returning home from the University of Iowa Hospital with one less person than we had left with. Continue reading “He is Still Good Three Years Later”

Celebrating This Weird Thing

Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe this has really been my life – that I’ve actually gone through all of these experiences. Twenty-six years isn’t much, but those years have been filled with a lot of life.

Here I am, coming to the end of the first period I’ve had in 3 years. It’s so strange.

At the beginning of the week, I told many of my friends about it, and they all responded with excitement. They know what our story has been. They know the grief and the heartache we’ve endured, so they know what this means for us. This means opportunity for us that we thought was gone, so they were all excited. Continue reading “Celebrating This Weird Thing”

Too Long

Tonight we hosted our Christmas party for our small group. It was a good night.

This day always seems to sneak up on me as I anticipate Christmas every year. In the middle of this joy-filled season comes a day that brought so much grief so many years ago. This year marks 17 years since my oldest sister, Kristen, died. It’s so hard for my mind to wrap around that number. Seventeen years means that she’s been gone longer than she was here. Continue reading “Too Long”

Answers

Our appointment on Monday finally gave us answers we have been looking for…hopefully!

Before we went to Iowa City, our doctor was thinking that I either had uterine scarring from the D&C I had after Leeland was born or a pituitary tumor the was producing too much prolactin, preventing me from having a cycle and making it impossible to get pregnant. Continue reading “Answers”

But When?

There’s this guy in the Bible named Job. He was a blameless man who feared God, so satan went to God one day, and said, “he only fears You because You’ve given him everything he could ever want. Take away his land and possessions, and he will curse You.” So God gave satan permission to take Job’s land and possessions (but satan could do nothing to Job himself), knowing that Job would not curse Him. This went on and on, and Job lost his children, land, possessions, money, and wife, but still did not curse God. So satan said, “of course Job wouldn’t curse You. You wouldn’t let me touch him.” So God told satan that Job was in his hand, but he had to spare his life, knowing that Job would still not curse Him. Satan covered Jobs body in sores from head to toe, but he still didn’t curse God. In the end of the story, everything and more was restored to Job.

I’ve been able to relate to Job a lot in my life. Right now, I feel like I am Job. Continue reading “But When?”