Dear Childless Mama

Dear Childless Mama,

You know who you are. Whether you are like me and your child was taken from your arms by that nasty thing called death or miscarriage robbed you of that baby in your arms, or that adoption you so eagerly awaited fell through, or infertility has, it seems, built walls around you, so you can’t conceive, or you are still single and wondering if you’ll ever get to build a family with someone – you know who you are, and when I say, “Dear Childless Mama,” you know I’m talking to you. Even if you’ll only call yourself a mom in the depths of your being because the world might not recognize it in you. You know. So hear my words: Continue reading “Dear Childless Mama”

Good News From the Doctor

My doctor called on Friday to talk about the results of my HSG test. He, along with the PA who gave us the immediate results, was very surprised that my right fallopian tube was open. When they finished the surgery back in February, they couldn’t see the opening of it at all, so they were convinced it would be blocked, but it wasn’t!

He asked what we wanted to do, and I told him that our biggest goal in all of this was for me to be healthy, and I feel like we are finally there – or as close to there as we will be for now. My body is having cycles without any hormonal assistance, and now we know that both tubes are open. There is healthy tissue on the left side of my uterus, and there is somewhat of of healthy tissue on the right side that leads straight to the open tube. Continue reading “Good News From the Doctor”

Hopefully the Last Test

As we were sitting in the waiting room, I looked at my hospital wristband where it said, “26yr.” I told my husband I could remember being 16, and at that time 26 seemed so far away. It arrived quite quickly, though. He said, “I bet this isn’t what you thought 26 would be like.” He was right.

My life has not at all been what I expected. I don’t really know what I expected it to be like, but I know this isn’t it, and I’m sure I’ll still be saying the same thing 10 years from now.

It was about a year ago that my doctors started doing tests to figure out what was going on with my body. First they thought it might have been a tumor. When that couldn’t be confirmed, they referred me to the University of Iowa Hospital. They did more tests and figured out that I did, indeed, have Asherman’s Syndrome as a result of a D & C. Continue reading “Hopefully the Last Test”

Celebrating This Weird Thing

Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe this has really been my life – that I’ve actually gone through all of these experiences. Twenty-six years isn’t much, but those years have been filled with a lot of life.

Here I am, coming to the end of the first period I’ve had in 3 years. It’s so strange.

At the beginning of the week, I told many of my friends about it, and they all responded with excitement. They know what our story has been. They know the grief and the heartache we’ve endured, so they know what this means for us. This means opportunity for us that we thought was gone, so they were all excited. Continue reading “Celebrating This Weird Thing”

I Think It Worked

I can’t believe it’s already been a month and a half since I had my surgery! I also can’t believe I haven’t written in over a month. I really need to get back into the swing of things.

Anyway, today is mostly a physical update, which might be too much information for some people, but if you are a woman, know a woman, or ever will know a woman, I think it’s good to know what goes on. I’m going to write an update on how I’ve been doing emotionally this weekend. Continue reading “I Think It Worked”

Birthday Balloon

Yep, that’s a picture of the kind of balloon that has been in my uterus the last 10 days.

My birthday was yesterday. I’m 26. Sometimes I think, “wow, has it been 26 years already?” And other times I think, “Only 26 years, huh?”

So much has happened. Sometimes I can hardly believe the story that has been written for me this far. So much loss, but so much more life. So much joy and sorrow. So many surprises and so many opportunities for growth, even if that meant experiencing growing pains physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And I think that will be big in the coming year as I make my way to 27. I can already see it in just a few of the things that have happened recently. This year will cause me to grow in ways that I never thought I would, and I know it will be good because my God is good, and He knows what He is doing. Continue reading “Birthday Balloon”


Our appointment on Monday finally gave us answers we have been looking for…hopefully!

Before we went to Iowa City, our doctor was thinking that I either had uterine scarring from the D&C I had after Leeland was born or a pituitary tumor the was producing too much prolactin, preventing me from having a cycle and making it impossible to get pregnant. Continue reading “Answers”